Today I wear the Malice Hoodie of Doom. It is the best piece of clothing ever. It is, in fact, a hoodie. Upon which are printed the words “Hoodie of Doom”. See here. I am feeling rather doomful. I would like to take this opportunity to bequeath doom upon the universe.
Doom doom doom.
I feel substantially better already. I think I may continue, if you don’t mind.
Ehem.
DOOM be upon the makers of the evil Marlboro cigarette, for creating such a delicately flavoured, deliciously toasty, yummily aromatic stick of death, from whose clutches I cannot seem to liberate myself. I am going to buy shares in British American Tobacco. I’m probably single-handedly responsible for their generous profit margin.
DOOM be upon the heads of the makers of the new Kylie Minogue album. Because I actually like it and on the scant occasions when I am CAUGHT OUT singing along to the masterful pop melodies I am filled with shame and humiliation. They’re just so…damn…catchy, darnit.
DOOM be upon the two girls who disappeared into the bathroom stall of the Corner Bar for half an hour the other night when I’d had too many vodka cranberries and the other stall smelled like human emissions.
And DOOM be upon the head of the old lady who scowled at my beautiful Hoodie of Doom in the Pick ‘n Pay this morning. She had a face which could, if utilized correctly, end the world. I shall buy her a Malice Clothing Hoodie of Doom. Which wouldn’t help, I suppose, because you’d still be able to see her face.
Sigh. I feel much better, thank you.
I’m currently trying to find a way to get a Hoodie of Doom to the White House. Imagine George Bush going about his merry day, playing golf and walking his dogs, finding new and creative ways of killing millions of people with his think tank, sending more helpless little soldier people into warzones, all the while wearing a Hoodie of Doom. In fact, I would love to send his whole cabinet Hoodies of Doom. They could all sit in congress, wearing matching hoodies of different colours, perhaps with numbers on the back. But I doubt they’d wear them in congress. But perhaps on team-building day.
In case no-body has noticed, Cape Town is cold. Freezing cold. Unbearably cold. This week in particular. There is snow on Table Mountain, which is against the natural order of things and subsequently adding to my doomful mood and making the acquisition of a warm, fluffy yet suitably alternative hoodie a must. If you are considering the purchase of a hoodie this season, check out the Malice Clothing Hoodie of Doom. It’s wonderful. Please don’t buy those awful ones from the skate shops. They’re not wonderful. I’ve noticed they come in pinstripe now. A pinstripe hoodie. Have you ever? And they’re made in Chinese sweatshops by small nimble-fingered children who have never been allowed to watch spongebob squarepants. Or speak. NOT COOL.
Doom doom doom.
Have a nice day. 
Tags: alternative, British American Tobacco, cape town, clothing, Corner Bar, design, doom, fashion, George Bush, hoodie, hoodie of doom, Malice Clothing, Marlboro, pick 'n pay, south africa, table mountain, White House
